The truth about cops.

For as long as we've had police we've also had delusions about their customs and pass times. I mean really, peace bringing doughnut whores? Please! That's what they want us to think. Luckily for all of you out there still suffering from these misconceptions, I have uncovered the true story* for your benefit. Don't you feel lucky?

*Although this is a real book, the words are NOT the original text. It is meant to be amusing, so take it as entertainment and please don't go getting all butt hurt over fake books or slandering the name of police officers or other such garbage.

Kids draw the darnedest things...

I remember when I was little, my mom and dad would tell me that every drawing I did was wonderful. I knew even as a little kid that they felt like they had to say that because they were my parents, and come to think of it that is pretty much how it works. Now that im older and rather more artistically developed, I have to wonder how my parents would have reacted if I had drawn something morbid or graphic or inappropriate or unusual and come looking for approval. Im sure they would have been quite alarmed or confused, much like the parents of these young artist probably were. Here is some artwork done by kids, ranging from hilarious to just plain dark.







"The crush" huh? Still at the cooties age I guess





Somebody stuck in an elevator?





Somebody forget their anniversary





Rofllll. According to one person (out of many who have posted this picture), the kids mom worked at home depot and was supposed to be selling a shovel, but im not sure im willing to fall for that one.





Actually that means she's winning.





Look ma, I shit a ghost!
Or is it pacman nightmares?





Aw, our future generation of star trek junkies are growing up so fast





Japan stakes its claim on unhappy floating shit! That's right, it's taken already





I know why they're all so happy! Pass that joint, smiley





Vanessa, age 4, drew a lovely picture of a spoon with a Cheerio in it. That's right, a spoon with a Cheerio. I hope she didn't ask her parents to guess what it was...





This one was done by an 8 year old. Yes, EIGHT (is it just me or is that a little pathetic for 8?)
"Look mommy, I drew that white stuff daddy always sniffs off the coffee table!"
Just wait, tomorrow it'll be a hooker





By Johnny, age 5.
My what big "scissors" you have...





Uh oh, Santa will be jealous.
"Can we put it on the fridge mom??"





yay "snack" eyes!




Oh dear...





Ah the Family Feud X, signifying that daddy got the answer wrong and now is therefor either deceased or in grave danger. Normally one gets 3 wrong answers, but evidently it all depends on what number you pick in spouse roulette.
Whoa there lady, that dress is a little slutty for a family portrait, don't you think? Not very appropriate for mourning either





I spy 2 dicks, a baguette and an unusual growth.





Me too but I don't grab my sward and take it out on innocent trees. Shame on you.





Huh??





Hey, at least he has goals.





Shhhh, try to pass it off as a swing





Geez kid, easy on the leopards!

The Uncomfortable Album

Has anybody else ever found themselves browsing a music store and wondering what the hell some of the artists were thinking when they picked their cover art?? There are some seriously uncomfortable, unattractive and just plain unnecessary album covers floating around out there in case you hadn't noticed. For those of you who've never made it in to a record store like Amoeba or Rasputin (shame on you), the following may come as shock. Here are some examples of not so wall-worthy cover art!





Ha! wishful thinking with that name.








Clothes would have been an excellent call here...





I feel like he should be holding something more... villainish, like beakers of dangerous chemicals or a hairless cat.








That looks suspiciously like a bubble wrap dress...





"The wife took this photo of me in the yard with my good goin out shirt and the new stache, and well, it just screamed sexy cover art!"





The savage petticoat tribe of south africa








Gee I wonder why its only fifty cents





I think this is more of a mood killer than anything... very unromantica.








*shivers*





This could not get much more awkward! He kinda reminds me of Fez...





This is absolutely NOT what I requested!





Is that an oompah loompah on the left? And I think I know the one in the middle










And finally, an album that I actually have heard of and have a copy of, and possibly the most uncomfortable of them all...







Excellent album, but oh the visual horror! I can almost hear my retinas sizzle